I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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