I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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