Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
