I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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