After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
