After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
