In the future we'll all be gay
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
