I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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