I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
