I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
