And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
