i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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