Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
