Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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