Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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