I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He has the fingertips of a God
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