and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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