ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
