You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
