ugly people sure do ruin things
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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