If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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