u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
