anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
