I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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