I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
