She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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