Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
