I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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