We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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