yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
