we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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