I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
