Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
