It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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