I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
