I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
