I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
