I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
