i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
