my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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