Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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