he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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