So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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