I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
mondays should just be called national damage control day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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