after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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