We won't sleep together?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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