i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
