doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
