i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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