I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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