both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
