Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
