They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
