Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
