there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
