I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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