I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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