What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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