I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
