We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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