Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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