what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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