Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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