I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
