dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
