he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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