New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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