hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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