he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
