Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
