I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
