You're my little dorito
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize