Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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