i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
