You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Enjoy the penises
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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