I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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