Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize