For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
