we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
