he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize