I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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