this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.