I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.