he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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