pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads