My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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