I got chris browned last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
