Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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