I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
