Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
